Late last year I discovered something about myself that I’m just beginning to come to terms with: I enjoy UFC. While I had long been aware of the sport, the most I’d ever bothered watching were the Kimbo Slice events on CBS, both of which were a huge letdown; I had never actually watched a UFC event. Then, late last year, I accidentally stumbled onto a UFC event that came on shortly after a Texas Football game at my usual watching place, BW3.
I enjoyed the event, quite a bit actually, but wasn’t ready to ‘come out’ as a fan. Its not difficult to see why these events are so enjoyable, it is two guys beating the shit out of each other! I used to think you needed some sort of context to enjoy a fight (did this guy say something about this other guy’s mom? girlfriend? penis?), and I based that on the fact that I don’t care much about boxing (no context), but enjoy professional wrestling (nothing but context). I was wrong, 2 dudes fighting each other for no reason IS compelling!
Sadly, I wasn’t ready to declare myself a ‘UFC fan,’ the prospect of doing so was haunting. It had nothing to do with the extremely homoerotic sequences: the grabbing, the holding, the rubbing. That stuff doesn’t make me uncomfortable, the fans do. I’m not ready to lead a life of tough-guy demeanor, aggressive posturing, flat-billed Tapout hats, Spike TV, Xyence supplements, and distressed Affliction t-shirts; I probably never will. I also enjoy my current abilities to read, write, and perform basic arithmetic; SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE! Then I noticed my friends were facing a similar conundrum, and that’s when I realized: UFC is not just for douchebags anymore!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out you didn’t have to buy into the ‘Hip-Hop Lifesyle’ to like the NBA! Now, don’t get me wrong, douchebags compose the vast majority of the UFC audience, and they will always outnumber the casual UFC fan, like myself. That’s not so much different than everything else, if you think about it, the douchebag-to-AK ratio has always been overwhelming.
So there, I’m a UFC fan. I especially like that all the octagon girls feel obligated to constantly blow kisses at the camera, it makes me feel like a girl may actually like me someday. I just ask that you don’t treat me differently: don’t tell me stories of how you can relate to what I’m going through, don’t send me links to ancient Chinese cures, don’t offer to help me when I’m reading something, don’t try to set me up with other UFC fans you meet, and for crying out loud, don’t make UFC jokes and say ‘its okay, my friend is a UFC fan!’
Your American Hero,
-AK
