1. The vuvuzelas are an expression of South Africa’s unique and vibrant culture, one that they should definitely keep to themselves!
2. Mexico is NEVER, EVER going to beat Argentina in the World Cup, please stop making it so they can meet, its cruel and the pain makes my friends extra whiny and obnoxious.
3. Seriously, is england the notre dame of international soccer, or what?  Throw in the New York Knicks and lets start a pool to see who returns to glory first!  Hahahahaha, Wayne Rooney is bald.
4. Christiano Ronaldo can apparently have any woman he wants, why the fuck is he chasing after Reggie Bush’s sloppy seconds?
5. It was really shitty of Nike to exclude Team USA from its advertising campaign.  Watching C. Ronaldo, Rooney, and Ronaldinho (who didn’t even play!) be completely inconsequential was pure poetic justice.
6. FUCK YOU, GHANA! I’m glad you choked.
7. I’m sure I’m not the only one who got sick and tired of hearing about apartheid, if South Africa ever wants to host or do anything that might remotely be shown on my television, they have to have some new shit happen to them.
8. GET SOME FUCKING AMERICAN ANNOUNCERS!  Listen I’m sure the British guys who commented the games for ESPN are great at what they do in England, but all I could think of throughout the broadcast was:
   

Your American Hero,
-AK

I enjoyed the event, quite a bit actually, but wasn’t ready to ‘come out’ as a fan.  Its not difficult to see why these events are so enjoyable, it is two guys beating the shit out of each other!  I used to think you needed some sort of context to enjoy a fight (did this guy say something about this other guy’s mom?  girlfriend?  penis?), and I based that on the fact that I don’t care much about boxing (no context), but enjoy professional wrestling (nothing but context).  I was wrong, 2 dudes fighting each other for no reason IS compelling!

Sadly, I wasn’t ready to declare myself a ‘UFC fan,’ the prospect of doing so was haunting.  It had nothing to do with the extremely homoerotic sequences: the grabbing, the holding, the rubbing.  That stuff doesn’t make me uncomfortable, the fans do.  I’m not ready to lead a life of tough-guy demeanor, aggressive posturing, flat-billed Tapout hats, Spike TV, Xyence supplements, and distressed Affliction t-shirts; I probably never will.  I also enjoy my current abilities to read, write, and perform basic arithmetic; SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE!  Then I noticed my friends were facing a similar conundrum, and that’s when I realized: UFC is not just for douchebags anymore!

I haven’t been this excited since I found out you didn’t have to buy into the ‘Hip-Hop Lifesyle’ to like the NBA!  Now, don’t get me wrong, douchebags compose the vast majority of the UFC audience, and they will always outnumber the casual UFC fan, like myself.  That’s not so much different than everything else, if you think about it, the douchebag-to-AK ratio has always been overwhelming.

So there, I’m a UFC fan.  I especially like that all the octagon girls feel obligated to constantly blow kisses at the camera, it makes me feel like a girl may actually like me someday.  I just ask that you don’t treat me differently: don’t tell me stories of how you can relate to what I’m going through, don’t send me links to ancient Chinese cures, don’t offer to help me when I’m reading something, don’t try to set me up with other UFC fans you meet, and for crying out loud, don’t make UFC jokes and say ‘its okay, my friend is a UFC fan!’

Your American Hero,
-AK

Colt McCoy

I know, I’m a Dallas Cowboys fan and shouldn’t be looking to improve other teams, but the Cardinals are the best situation for Colt, and McCoy is the Cardinals best long-term option.  Colt is the kind of quarterback that would benefit from a year or two of mentorship from an experienced QB, a-la Matt Cassel.  In return, the Cardinals would get a high-percentage passer who has experience running a pass-oriented offense.

Right now Colt is the #3 or #4 QB in this year’s draft, depending on who you listen to, behind Clausen, Bradford, and Tebow, and is projected to go anywhere from late 2nd round to as late as the fourth round.  The Cardinals by virtue of their playoff success will have a high round pick, McCoy will be available when their turn comes in the 2nd round.

Colt’s accuracy his last two seasons at Texas of 76.7% and 70.6% completion could translate to NFL pass completion averages in the 60s, the kind of accuracy the Cardinals will be losing upon Kurt Warner’s retirement.  When that day comes Colt will be ready to take the reins of Arizona’s potent office.

What about Matt Leinart?  He wasn’t stellar during his first stint as a starter, however should Warner retire early he’ll get another chance, though given Warner’s performance I doubt he’ll hang the towel, especially if Brett Favre keeps showing that a QB can still play in his 40s.  Regardless, McCoy will be able to compete with Leinart for the starting role by years 2 or 3.  I believe Colt is a better leader and he’s far more mobile than Matt.

Team’s will not be looking to build a team around McCoy, he doesn’t have the talent of say a Ryan Leaf or a JaMarcus Russell, but he’s the kind of QB that can learn from a veteran and take over a team.  The Arizona Cardinals are Colt’s best opportunity for long term success, the league is full of young quarterbacks.  Other similar teams with veteran QBs probably still have another 5 or 6 years with them (Seahawks & Colts come to mind), except the Vikings, but who knows what the heck Favre will do.

Your American Hero,
-AK

It seems that ever since Facebook introduced the ‘like’ button, well over a year ago, people have been clamoring for a similar ‘dislike’ button.  As of recently, the desire for such a feature has picked up steam, at least amongst my friends, and I deem that to be an accurate cross-section of the entire Facebook population.  Like many things, however, folks have not thought this feature completely through!  I’m going to tell you why a ‘Dislike’ button is a bad, horrible idea.

The ‘like’ button serves as simple mechanism to acknowledge your friends’ activity on Facebook that saves one the trouble of having to write out generic comments like ‘cool,’ ‘yea,’ and ‘I agree’ et al.  At a glance, the ‘dislike’ button would serve as a similar tool, allowing you to playfully acknowledge your friend’s post without ‘approving’ of it.  The scenarios people imagine using a ‘dislike’ button are simple and innocent, for example think of your friend posting ‘Go Yankees!’ and you being a red sox fan can just click ‘dislike.’  The problem is that usage will not always be playful and simple.

People in favor of a ‘dislike’ button are not taking human emotion into account and that is VERY dangerous.  Agreeing with someone or something can be passive, and that’s why the ‘like’ button works so well.  Open disagreement and contradiction can rarely be dispassionate.  Think of the last anti-abortion or anti-war rally you were unfortunate enough to witness, people who agree can just drive by and honk and carry on with their lives, essentially clicking the ‘like’ button on the rally.  Were the people who decided to openly disagree quite so civil?  Of course not!  There were shouting matches, yelling, and throwing of stuff, the ‘dislike’ button failed!

You’re probably thinking to yourself: ‘AK, aren’t you exaggerating a bit?’ Am I now?  While the ‘like’ button allows you to in a sense nourish your relationship, the ‘dislike’ button could disastrously tear people apart!  It won’t always be you ‘disliking’ my “I am really horny” status message, it could get much worse.  Here’s a far likelier scenario: think of the friend you have that all they do is post about their bf or gf, and we all have one, and let’s say one day they post something along the lines of ‘Sebastian wants to go watch the game, but I’m too tired.’  Say you don’t like the idea of your friend being dragged somewhere by her boyfriend, so you click ‘dislike,’ end of story, right?  Or so you thought.  Next thing you know Isabella no longer wants to talk to you because she thinks that you’re a bitch who is bitter about not having a boyfriend and that’s why you don’t like Sebastian.  You don’t think that can happen?  Or even worse, say you don’t like a picture because it’s literally a bad picture, poor composition and out of focus, so you click ‘dislike.’  The next thing you know, the poster will feel offended because you didn’t like the picture of her baby.  This is going to happen, trust me!

Let’s face it, the destructive potential of the ‘dislike’ button is not worth it.  If you dislike or disapprove a post, do what I do and move on with your life, or if you REALLY want to express yourself, take the time to write your comment out!  The ‘like’ button is simple and builds relationships, the ‘dislike’ button is a Pandora’s box waiting to be opened.  Please think it through and stop supporting the ‘dislike’ button, it is a terrible idea.  You’ll thank me later.

Your American Hero,
-AK